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08/24/2004: "New Hobby"

I have decided to raise up an army of evil monkeys to do my bidding. The main reasons they need to be evil is that they should be temperamentally in harmony with my grand scheme, and that an army of sweet, lovable monkeys lacks credibility. And a monkey army that lacks credibility is hardly worth the time and effort it takes to raise it. The other problem is that they can only be evil in certian ways. I want them to have cetain good work habits: they should be reliable and obedient, follow the rules, not take overlong bathroom breaks, cooperative with one another, respectful of the hierarchy and the office equipment, and endeavor not to be late or absent too often. Unortunately, these are qualities hard to find in the truly evil character, and hopefully evil monkeys will be more likely to exhibit them than evil people. It's a trade-off: they may lack the intellectual potential, but they're more malleable. I don't really have a scheme yet - I don't want to take over the world, there's too much cleaning involved - but I figure I'll get the army first, then figure outwhat I want to do with them.